Goodbye For Now
by girlinterrupted22
Summary: Chloe's wedding day is drawing nearer, and she has to choose between her new future and returning to her roots.
1. Chapter 1

Chloe loved flowers. The red ones, the purple ones, and especially the white ones-they were her special favorites. Flipping through the wedding catalog was way too confusing though with all the different choices and none of the actual product. Chloe wanted to hold the flowers, to see and smell them, before making her decisions. She always had to research everything; have all of the options before actually making choices. Chloe had picked the flowers out several months before with her husband to be, and as much as it killed her, she wouldn't be able to see them until the actual wedding itself. One more week, just one more week, and then it would all be over. Chloe would be married.

The bridesmaids' dresses were solid black. The idea of a complete black and white wedding had struck Chloe as absolutely beautiful. Simple, yet elegant. The men would all be wearing tuxes of the regular variety. Chloe wanted all of the girls to match, and all of the guys to match. The pictures would be symmetrical, and everything would be perfect.

There was just one thing. As much as Chloe loved Zach, in the back of her head, she still felt she needed to be with Clark. She and Clark had been through so much together, the least of which being the death of Lana three years before. But he had pushed her away like he pushed everyone away, and eventually she just fell into Zach. She and Zach had worked at the Daily Planet together for several years, and had a lot in common. Chloe loved him, she really did. But then…there was Clark.

"So," Lois said, striking a pose in front of Chloe, "what do ya think?" She was wearing her bridesmaids dress.

"It fits!" Chloe smiled. "You don't have to get it altered or anything? You're good to go?"

"Girl, you are not calling me fat!" Lois laughed.

"No, I just, I meant…"

"It's okay, Chloe, I'm just messing with you."

"Have you ever heard of Bridezilla, Lois?"

Lois stripped quickly and changed back into her regular clothes. "What else are you up to today?

"I don't know yet. I hadn't really thought about it."

"I see."

"I was thinking…" Chloe paused. "Maybe I'll go visit Lana's grave. It's been a while. And if she were here…" Chloe let the end of her sentence trail off. They both knew that if Lana were still alive, she would be Chloe's maid of honor, not Lois.

Lois nodded. "Do you want some company?"

"That would be nice, actually. I think Lana would like that."

The two of them walked out of the apartment and got into Lois's car. The cemetery was only a short distance away, and when Chloe got out of the car, she saw the outline of a man at Lana's gravesite.

"Hey," Lois said, stepping out of the vehicle and lifting her sunglasses to get a better view. "Isn't that Smallville?"

Chloe took a closer look. "Clark?"


	2. Chapter 2

"It is Smallville, Chloe, go talk to him!"

"I don't know, Lois, this seems weird." Chloe hesitated, unsure of what she would say if she actually approached Clark.

"I'll wait here, Chloe, this is something that you need to do, I think." When Chloe still didn't move, Lois said, "Go!"

Chloe drew her sweater tighter around her body as she crossed the distance between herself and Clark. It was like crossing a gigantic void of years, it had been so long. As soon as she slipped beside him, she found her hand in his, and it was if they had never left each other.

"Hey," Chloe said.

"Hey," Clark answered.

They stood there in silence together, staring down at Lana's tombstone.

"Someone still puts flowers here, huh?"

"Me," Clark whispered. "I come here every day. I'm afraid if someone doesn't come every day, she's going to be forgotten. I can't let her be forgotten."

"She would never be forgotten," Chloe replied, just as quietly. "She will always be loved by someone here, and as long as she is loved, she is not forgotten."

"I know."

Chloe took a deep breath. "I've missed you, Clark. I've missed us; our friendship."

He nodded, but didn't respond.

Tear formed behind her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "You have to let her go, Clark."

"Someday."

I have to tell him…Chloe thought. "Clark…I…I'm getting married this weekend."

She finally saw a flicker of real response in his features. "Oh."

This is your chance, Clark, please, admit what you feel, Chloe thought. "His name's Zach. He works with me at the Daily Planet. He's a good man, Clark, I think you'll really like him."

Clark was silent, his eyes fixed on Lana's grave.

Chloe decided in the heat of the moment to take a chance. "He's…Clark, he's not you. He could never be you." When he didn't respond, Chloe continued, "In my heart, I think it was always you, and it always will be you."

Clark waited for several seconds before answering. "In my heart…Chloe…I can't give you what you need, I can't give you what you deserve. My heart still belongs to Lana somehow, Chloe, and I can't figure out how to get it back."

"Is that…Is this…This is how we end, then? Just like that? This is it?"

"I guess, Chloe. Look…I care about you. You just…You deserve better than me."

"Until you see that that's not true, then I think you're right," Chloe whispered.

"You should go."

"Maybe," Chloe hesitated, still wanting more from him.

"Goodbye, Chloe."

Chloe turned back to the car where Lois was waiting. "Goodbye…for now."


	3. Chapter 3

Chloe sat in her slip in front of the full length mirror, staring at her wedding dress.

"Are we going to put it on, or is it going to be a pretty hangar ornament for the rest of eternity?" Lois asked.

Chloe's gaze was fixed on the dress. "I'm happy."

"I didn't ask you that," Lois frowned, puzzled. "Just thought, you know, one hour to go, let's get the dress on?"

"I'm happy," she repeated.

"All right," Lois said, planting herself between Chloe and the dress. "Spill. Is this still about Smallville?"

Chloe was silent, her finger tracing the white petals of the flowers in her bouquet.

"Okay, not to be obnoxious or anything, but, fifty eight minutes?"

"It's always about Clark, Lois, and I wish I never would have seen him today. He made me think about too many things."

Lois sat in front of Chloe, her back against the mirror. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know…" Chloe answered, her voice trailing off. "I'm happy."

"Yeah, I got that one."

"I love Zach."

"That's good. You'll be marrying him in," Lois checked her watch, "fifty three minutes."

"Lois…I'm not sure."

"Not sure about…what?"

"I…want to see Clark again. I NEED to see Clark again. I need to know that there really isn't a chance and that I'm not letting the best thing go in favor of something else that just happened along…You know?"

"Yes, I know!" Lois said, exasperated. "I know! But you are addicted to Clark, Chloe, you are stuck on the thought of what could have been; what could be…He just wanted to use you to help him get over Lana. And you wouldn't let him do that. So he got frustrated and left. And don't even tell me that he hadn't heard you were getting married, do you think it's a coincidence that he showed up the week before you wedding? It isn't fair, Chloe. It isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to…"

"Zach," Chloe finished. "It isn't fair to Zach, Lois, and I think that's why…I don't…I don't think I should…" Chloe took a deep breath. "I don't think I should marry Zach when so much of me still belongs to Clark.  
"I could have told you that. Have you ever really thought about how much of you is devoted to him, even deep inside? Especially deep inside?"

Chloe ripped her slip off and pulled on a pair of jeans. "Isn't that what I'm doing now?"

"Isn't it a little late for that?" Lois retorted.

"This isn't fair to anybody, Lois, isn't that the point?" Chloe pulled on a sweatshirt and dug around in the mess for her keys and cell phone.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to find him, Lois, I have to set the record straight before I can move on, I have to know if there's anything there."

Lois nodded. "Okay…but…What are you going to tell Zach?"

Chloe looked at Lois pleadingly.

"No," Lois said, "no, no, no, no, no, I am so not talking to him for you, Chloe. You let this get so far, and you have to get yourself out of it."

"But…I might be back," Chloe whispered.

"Might be? Might be back? You can't leave him hanging like that Chloe, if you walk out of this church now, there's not going to be a wedding. You have to make that decision. Are you going to go with a certain thing, a sure hit, or are you going to follow after some eternal dream that you have held for years and have absolutely no guarantee will bring you what you want?"

"Lois…I can't do this. I can't go through with it without knowing, because I can't spend the rest of my life not knowing…"

"Then go," Lois said resolutely. "Go."

Chloe paused at the door. "I love you, Lois."

"I love you too, Chloe."

"I guess this is goodbye for now," she whispered, staring at the floor.

"Goodbye for now…"


	4. Chapter 4

Chloe paced back and forth across the floor in the loft. "Clark, you and I have been through so much together, and I need to know if we could ever be anything more, because if we can't be anything more, I need to let you go, and I need to move on, and I need a lot of things, and…" Chloe's voiced trailed off. There wasn't any more speech that she could possibly rehearse, she didn't need to go over the words anymore, because she already knew what she needed to say.

Chloe stared out the window at the grounds of the Kent farm. "So this is life now," she whispered. "This is the beginning of…something. I feel something." She narrowed her eyes as she looked towards heaven. "I feel different, Lana. This is what…this is more you than me, I think. You would be the one who would have to know, if you were still here, and I would be the one who would never want to take the chance…and I don't know why I'm doing this, except that I think a part of you is always going to a part of me. I really hope you're okay with whatever happens here, but either way, Lana, I've gotta borrow a little bit of you again…I need to figure this out, I need to know, and I can't go further 'till I do. Do you get that, Lana?"

Clark came up the stairs and dropped his coat on the bed. "Need to know what?"

Chloe spun around. "Clark!"

"Need to know what?" he repeated, coming up beside her to look out the window.

"Lots of things," she muttered, rapidly feeling like she was losing her nerve. This whole thing, leaving the church, coming to see Clark, being so open with feelings that she had hidden for years…It was all new to her. It was totally not a Chloe way to be. But in her head, Chloe knew that it was a way that she had to be.

"Like what?" Clark probed.

It was almost like old times, before the loss of Lana, before everything in their world fell apart. It was almost like that, Clark and Chloe, friends. Instead of looking at each other though, they both continued to stare out the window. Chloe took a deep breath. "Where have you been? Where did you go when you left?"

He shrugged, not turning to face her. "I got lost for a while."

"A while?" Chloe asked, raising an eyebrow. "Try three years."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm sorry about that. I just…I just needed some time. I didn't come back to Smallville until a week or so ago. My mom needed some help with the farm, and stuff. My dad is supposed to be taking it easy, he's had some problems with his heart, and it was just…time."

Chloe looked over at him. "This is nice."

"What?"

"You and me."

He turned to her, leaning with his back against the window. "What do you mean?"

"We were best friends before, and then…I lost you. I tried my best, I tried to be there for you, but I lost Lana, and then I lost you all at the same time."

"I didn't feel like I was…I don't know. I blamed myself for Lana."

Chloe hung her head as she quietly answered, "I know you did. There wasn't really any changing your mind on that."

"It's been a long time though, and I've grown up a bit…I've somewhat…moved past it. I'll never forget her, but…I'm letting her go. Talking to you the other day, it was," he paused, "…like, incredible, because all of a sudden I knew that my heart couldn't belong to her forever. My life can't belong to her forever."

Chloe remained silent, but reached out to take his hand.

Clark's finger entwined with Chloe's as he continued, "There is so much in the world of the living, there is so much left to, and even though she's gone…Everything else still moves on without her, and it just doesn't make sense to, I mean, she wouldn't want me to stay behind. Do you get that?"

"I do," she replied.

"I just…" Clark stumbled on his words as he said, "I…I'm…sorry that it was too late for…things."

Chloe held her head of to one side in an effort to maintain eye contact. "What do you mean?"

"The wedding? Aren't you supposed to be getting married today?"

She shook her head. "Somehow, I don't think so."

"Why?" he frowned.

"I think…I think that you and I are both very different people than we were three years ago. Some better, some worse, but…I think that we are both incredibly different."

"What do you mean?"

Chloe hesitated before reaching out and taking his other hand, drawing him closer to her. They were face to face, so close that she could feel his breath on her face as he looked down at her. "Three years ago, I wouldn't have ever thought of doing this." Her hands drifted up Clark's shoulders and she drew him into a long and lasting kiss, more powerful than any she had ever experienced before.

It was so passionate that neither one of them really wanted to pull away. When they parted, it was Chloe who spoke first. "I couldn't go through with it Clark. I couldn't get married, because I meant what I said in the cemetery, I meant it with all of my heart, that it will always be you, and it will never be anybody but you in my heart, and…"

"You still believe in me," he interrupted. "You never left me." It was more of a statement than a question.

"I never left you," she confirmed, "at least not in my heart. And…I need to know, Clark, I need to know if the us that were such a powerful friendship three years ago could ever be something more, because…I guess, just like you needed to move on from losing Lana, I can't move on with anything until I know whether you and I could ever be anything more."

Clark pulled away from her and began rummaging through one of his desk drawers.

"Clark?"

He shook his head. "Give me a second."

Chloe crossed the room to where he was, trying to look inside the desk drawer.

Clark found what he was looking for, pulling a notebook out of the wreckage that was his desk.

"What is it?" she asked.

Clark sat on the bed and pulled Chloe down beside him. "I need to…I need to do this."

"What is it?" Chloe repeated.

"This…" he gestured to the notebook, "is a long, long, letter that I wrote to Lana. And I…I spent pages and pages apologizing to her for everything that happen, and it's taken me three years…but I think that's I've accepted fate…Do you understand."

Chloe nodded mutely, unsure of what he was trying to say.

"I…want…" He shook his head. "I have to do this."

He reached back into the door and pulled out a lighter. Clark held the notebook over the garbage can. "In my heart, Chloe…it's you. I'm just sorry it took me so long to realize it…"

Clark lit the notebook on fire and dropped it into the garbage can. Together, he and Chloe sat and watched it burn.

"In my heart, it's you, Chloe. So I have to say goodbye, and I have to let it go."

Chloe stared into the flames. "Goodbye for now…Lana."

"No," Clark corrected. "Goodbye. Just…goodbye. I can't have her occupying my heart anymore, I need to go on living."

Chloe and Clark sat together on the bed and watched the flames go down.


End file.
